The Quiet Onez

I grew up in a chaotic household.

There were four boys, mom, and step-dad. Though I couldn’t say it was the best childhood when it came to how I was raised by my parents, it was a still a good one.

I loved my brothers. I played outside, a lot. I had many friends. I explored the city. I enjoyed sports. I failed, tried again, failed, and tried again.

It was imperfect, but the best I could ask for.

I love a chaotic house.

I love it when my family visits. We talk, connect, argue, and laugh, but we know we all love each other.

It reminds me of childhood.

I had various moments of quiet when I needed it.

I could only wish for a fuller life like I had for my daughter.

I always found something a little different and off with only children, this includes my wife. They don’t have the same outlook on life like those with siblings do.

It was absolutely tragic to me to hear that my wife did not want any more children.

I had to learn to come to terms with that and make it make sense to me.

Who am I to deserve more?

Having a child is one of the greatest gifts I could ever ask for.

To see my daughter talk and laugh has been up there with the greatest joy.

I don’t believe that I ever deserve such a gift.

I have a lot of unresolved sin issues and struggles. Some I hold on to, some I cannot win.

In the end, why bring more children to suffer from their father’s sins?

Why do I even want more children?

I think there was a sense of selfishness that I had in my heart:

I wanted to have a legacy of my last name.

I always thought having having children would be beneficial to the last name we carry, to honor my late father and to build a dynasty here in America.

But that’s not only selfish of me to believe, it’s also extremly stupid in the grand scheme of things.

Why does it matter?

If God is all that matters, my little wordly pursuits of having more children means nothing. What gain is there in this world when we have heaven to look forward to?

Additionally, throughout the Bible, there are plently of men who never had children. And there were a few women who were mentioned in the Bible that were part of the geneology of Chirst.

This is all to say, have faith in God and know that having children isn’t our identity.

If we want to leave something behind in this world, leave behind the legacy of others seeing how much you love God and wish His will upon this world.