You’re Being Toxic To Yourself, And How You Can Stop

Sometimes I could get a bit lazy as a software developer and decide to miss something entirely deliberately. In other words, I want to assume that what I just skimmed through in the code I’m working on is fine, and I don’t need to have a second look at it.

Cut to about ten minutes later, and I run into a problem (typical workday). Then, of course, cut to about four hours later, and I’m either sighing hard or staring at the window, wondering the purpose of life.

Fast forward to near the end of the workday. After eating dinner and re-evaluating my life choices, I somehow find the answer.

As you may have guessed, it came from the time I decided to overlook the original code that I was working on at the beginning of my day.

On a personal level, mistakes were made. But did I ever learn my lesson? Nope.

This habit has been a constant battle of mine, day in and day out. Being detailed isn’t my strength. However, despite it all, I know that this is a weakness that needs work.

The only problem is, I don’t take steps to try and put in that “work.”

When we know that something is a flaw of ours, it’s now our responsibility to tackle it. But when push comes to shove, our minds will make decisions to run away from the problem.

We don’t want to be responsible for our consequences, so we make excuses for our actions.

I could tell myself that I’m not detail-oriented, that I’m a massive picture, dreamer kind of guy. I’m making excuses for my actions of missing the crucial details of whatever task I’m working on.

In our day-to-day lives, we make excuses for just about everything that we do. Even when we understand how “wrong” we are about a particular issue, we can’t help but excuse ourselves of punishment.

Our internal pride tells us that we are entitled to feel better about ourselves and that we don’t need people (or ourselves) telling us how to live. It might sound crazy, but

you’re constantly battling a voice in your head.

“Maybe you shouldn’t do that.”

“Maybe you should apologize.”

“Maybe you should calm down a little bit before talking to her.”

We’re fully aware of that subconcious mind talking to us. But, we need to listen and be fully present with that voice.

The solution to all of this? Beyond knowing your flaw(s) and profoundly reflecting on them, take time for action. You’ll hear it time and time again, but even the smallest of actions could go a long way.

Journal and try to comprehend your flaws. Get into the why and don’t make excuses for being “who you are.” Instead, answer the question to its most basic, fundamental roots.

I skip over code because I don’t want to see that I made a mistake. I want to assume I’m an excellent programmer and don’t need to comb over potential flaws.

Why? I’m prideful. I need to feel excellent.

What did that cost me? An entire day of pain. Wasted and gone.

Next, accountability. Find others to help you on this journey. If you can’t, then find a community online. Do anything and everything it takes, even if small, to do and be better.

Don’t waste your life creating a world where you think that everything is great because you’ve made excuses for your actions. Life has consequences. Take responsibility and ownership over who you are.

Never stop growing and living a life that others will remember.

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